Saratoga – Chapter 4

EDIT 17/08: Entirely Translated

EDIT: Seriously? Back when I translated Dandelion, even after translating half a chapter Novel Updates didn’t accept it, but here, I just did 15% and someone tossed it on NU without precising it was just one part and it’s accepted? How does NU works?

Hi! So, it’s been a week since the last post, and I translated 15% of the chapter. Yeah, I just can’t bring myself to translate and waste my time, I’m too self-centered to be translator.

Anyway, when you think about the fact I started because I wanted money, I still did 7 chapters without receiving anything, so I guess I can be considered generous in a way.

My only regret is that I don’t like going back on my words, and even if I didn’t promise anything, I did say I would translate until chapter 5. That why, even if I say I’m stopping the translation, in truth I’ll just do it at a pace so slow that I don’t know when the chapters will be up. Like this, I’m keeping my words to translate until chapter 5.

And now, back to Isekai Tensei Mono. As much as I have mixed feelings about it, it’s still entertaining and have really good moments, even if the rest of the time it isn’t as interesting. I’m at chapter 296 (319 in Narou’s number), so I’ve a little less than 100 chapters to read. After that, I guess I’ll try to translate a little more of chapter 4 before doing something else.

Now, here’s the 15% of the chapter I translated with the illustration.

Chapter 4 – Pretty

「Haahaa… I, I made it through something terrible…」

After somehow shaking off his pursuers, the boy lied down in a 『大』 shape, breathing roughly.
Having that group of Machos who shone with a black luster chase after him was a nightmare.He didn’t think he had experienced such a fright even when he encountered a group of Giant Worms or Giant Sand Wolves.

Looking up while lying down, the sky started to slowly grow brighter.
The visit of the morning was nearing, and the small and early-to-rise birds started to sing.
In the end, he still had no clue about Kisaragi’s whereabouts.
This truth weighed heavily on his tired body and mind.

「Please wait, Kisaragi」

He couldn’t rest like this forever. Slapping his body, the boy slowly stood up and looked around.
He didn’t know his exact location, but after having been chased it seemed he ended up leaving the town area and reached a plaza in the outskirts.

Looking around slowly, in the pale darkness, the shadow of a standing person entered the corner of his field of vision.
The boy jumped up in panic and grasped the hilt of the katana on his waist.
However, he immediately relaxed his fighting stance, and his hand swung loosely in the air.

「…Pretty」

The boy murmured, engrossed with the thing that was reflected in his field of vision.

It was a girl.

Long silver hair as if the trails of shooting stars had been tied up together. White porcelain skin. Deep blue eyes. A blue dress with gold thread embroidery, and a lapis lazuli embed on her chest.  (TL: First, sorry, I mistranslated that her hair was tied up in the first chapter. I fixed it. Second, help with the last sentence. By the way, for those who don’t know, a Lapis Lazuli is a small semi-precious stone. You can see it in the illustration, between her two mountains)
It was different from the Nobles. So far, he had never seen a figure so noble.

While the boy was fascinated for a moment, the girl was looking up at the sky, as if searching for something inside the dawn.

Suddenly, the girl turned towards the boy and their eyes met.
Flustered, the boy cast down his eyes and corrected his posture.
The girl smiled pleasantly and walked towards the boy.

「Do you have some business with me?」

「Ah, no, so-sorry. It was rude of me to stare. I was curious about what you were looking at」

The girl unintentionally smiled seeing the flustered boy.

「I was searching for a star」

「A… star?」

「Yes, a star. A particulary big red star which appears at dawn. The country where I was born is in the direction of this star」

It was understandable from the beginning but, as expected, the girl wasn’t someone from this country.

「Even after seeing me, you aren’t surprised?」

She calmly came to talk to the boy. Because she didn’t know.
The boy felt like he was deceiving her for not telling her he was a scorned existence. He thought it wasn’t fair.
Therefore, unconsciously, such words came from his mouth.

The girl looked at the boy with a blank expression.

「Because, coming from the outside of this Fortress City, my appearance is different from the Nobles…」

「I’m sorry. I don’t really see the difference」

To the boy’s ears, the girl didn’t mind who he was. That was what he hoped he heard. Somewhere, a small light was lit. That sort of feeling.
If it was her, he thought he could ask about Kisaragi.

「What are you doing in this place?」

「I am searching for my little sister」

「Your little sister?」

「Yes, her name is Kisaragi and she is 12. Do you know her?」

「I’m sorry. I don’t know her」

「No, please don’t wo-『Found him!』」

Just when the boy became flustered by the apologetic look of the girl, he heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance of the park.

In the center of the crowd of black lustrous muscles, a portable shrine was shouldered, and a head with dumplings was gallantly standing on it while throwing out her chest. Needless to say, it was the Count of Saratoga, Mio. (TL: Portable shrine: http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I00007PqQwVf8yZk/s/750/750/20110315-DSC2628a.jpg)
By the way, Kirie was lying down in the rear of the portable shrine, as if having pleasantly fallen asleep.

「It’s a lie…」

The boy dropped his shoulders with a dejected look.

「Ah, Mio-dono. Good morning」

「What!?」

He was surprised by the friendly greeting of the girl standing next to him to dumplings head.

「Oh, I was wondering who it was, but isn’t it Lord Seldis? Right on time. This man is a degenerate. Could you help a little?」

「I am not a degenerate!」

「No, no, just before, didn’t you ask 『Guhehe, little miss, right now, what kind of panties are you wearing?』 while thrusting a blade at me?」

「I didn’t ask that! Please, don’t make things up」

「You said such a thing?」

The girl made one step back.

「I didn’t say it!」

「The color of my panties is?」

「It’s white」

「「Ah」」

The broadly smiling Mio, the boy noticing his own verbal slip, and the girl surprised by the boy’s statement.
A momentary unpleasant silence. A single sweat drop streamed down the boy’s cheek.

「Fuhahahahaha! Caught you, degenerate」

Mio broke the silence with a lound laugh.

「No, that, that’s wrong!」

The boy panicked.
Using his panic as a chance, the girl pressed her index finger on the boy’s forehead and muttered softly:

「Sleep in the abyss (Sonno Morto)」 (TL: In this novel, Magic Spells are in Italian. The normal text is in Japanese, and between the () is the Furigana)

Like this, the boy lost his words, and he suddenly felt his eyelids become heavier. Sleepy. Inside the illusion that his whole body was bound by chains, he was attacked by an irresistible sleepiness.

「It’s all right… But I think it would be better if the misunderstanding was solved」

Inside his receding consciousness, the boy heard the girl’s voice.
Similar to the sound of a bell. While feeling comforted by the girl’s voice, the boy fell towards her.

「I’ll ask her not to do anything cruel, so please, don’t worry」

Just before his eyes closed completely, the girl who was looking at his face with an affectionate expression said:

「Good night」

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14 Responses to Saratoga – Chapter 4

  1. OP.MC says:

    Those plots tho…mmm
    Thanks for the chapter.

    Like

  2. Nix says:

    dunno why, i always missread the title as “saritoga”

    Like

  3. lnwnepubs says:

    I see boobs…5/5

    Like

  4. Pingback: Chapter 4: Done | Rinvelt House

  5. Foguinho says:

    Thanks you very much for the chapter

    Like

  6. wuhugm says:

    Thanks for the chapter :p

    Like

  7. MystiKnight says:

    Mio’s shaping up to be a really fun sounding ojou-sama. Sweet.

    ~~~

    [「Haahaa… I, I come through a terrible thing…」]-> Haahaa… I, I made it through something terrible

    [After somehow shaking off his pursuers, the boy lied down in a 『大』 form with a rough breath.] -> …the boy lied down in a 『大』 shape, breathing roughly.

    [The group of Machos shining with a black luster chasing after him was like a nightmare.] -> Having that group of Machos who shone with a black luster chase after him was a nightmare.

    [He didn’t think he had experienced such a fear even when he encountered a group of Giant Worms or Giant Sand Wolfs.] -> He didn’t think he had experienced such a fright even when he encountered a group of Giant Worms or Giant Sand Wolves.

    [Looking up while lying down, the sky started to slowly grow light.] -> …the sky started to slowly grow brighter.

    [The visit of the morning was nearing, the early rised small birds were starting to sing.] -> The visit of the morning was nearing, and the small and early-to-rise birds started to sing.

    [He didn’t know is accurate position, but after having been chased it seemed he ended up separating from the town area and reached a plaza in the outskirts.] -> He didn’t know his exact location, but after having been chased it seemed he ended up leaving the town area and reached a plaza in the outskirts.

    [Looking around slowly, in the pale darkness, the sadow of a standing person entered the corner of his field of vision.] -> …in the pale darkness, the shadow of a standing person…

    [However, he immediately unfastened his fighting stance, and his hand loosely swun in the air.] -> However, he immediately relaxed his fighting stance, and his hand swung loosely in the air.
    – Technically, unfastened is grammatically correct. While you did use it correctly, I can’t say I’ve ever seen it used like this. I think the word lends itself to describing clothing, more so than a stance in this case, so I went and replaced it

    「…Pretty」 (TL: I actually had an intense debate with myself to choose between “Pretty” and “Beautiful”. But, well, considering I’m abandoning the translation, I choose to use “Pretty”)
    – Pretty, or beautiful, huh? The words are functionally identical, so it doesn’t really matter. If I had to choose I’d lean towards beautiful – its a slightly more powerful word and I believe it better expresses Nanashi’s “Wow” moment – but like I said, they mean the same thing. No need to change this.

    [The boy murmured engrossed as something was reflected in his field of vision.] -> The boy murmured, engrossed with the thing that was reflected in his field of vision.

    [White porcelain skin.] -> Skin, white like porcelain.

    [「Do you have some business?」] -> 「Do you have some business with me?」

    [「Ah, no, so-sorry. I rudely looked at you… I was curious about what you were looking」] -> 「Ah, no, so-sorry. It was rude of me to stare. I was curious about what you were looking at

    [「Yes, a star. A particulary big red star which appear at dawn. The country where I was born is in the direction of this star」] -> …which appears at dawn…

    [If it was her, he tought he could ask about Kisaragi.] -> If it was her, he thought he could ask about Kisaragi.

    [At the moment the boy was flustered by the apologetic look of the girl, he heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance of the park.] -> Just when the boy became flustered by the apologetic look of the girl, he heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance of the park.

    [In the center of the crowd of black luster muscles, a portable shrine was shouldered, and a head with dumplings was gallantly standing on it while throwing her chest.] -> In the center of the crowd of black lustrous muscles, a portable shrine was shouldered, and a head with dumplings was gallantly standing on it while throwing out her chest.]

    [He was surprised by the friendly greeting of the girl standing next to him to the dumplings head.] -> He was surprised by the girl’s friendly greeting to dumpling head.
    – What you had originally was a pretty messy sentence, but I don’t fault you. I can’t think of a less convoluted way of putting it either. I think cutting down the phrase should work – of the three girls in the scene, one (Kirie) has no need to greet Mio and the other is Mio herself, so it should be pretty clear who the boy is talking about without needing to mention who exactly she is.
    If you can’t tell who is talking, then you can leave it be. In that case, the only edit is {to dumpling head}

    [「Oh, I was thinking who it was, but isn’t it Lord Seldis? Just at the right time. This man is a degenerate. Could you help a little?」] -> 「Oh, I was wondering who it was, but isn’t it Lord Seldis? Right on time…

    [A single sweat streamed down the boy’s cheek.] -> A single sweat drop streamed down the boy’s cheek.

    [Mio broke the silence with a lound laughter.] -> Mio broke the silence with a loud laugh.

    [Inside the illusion that all his body was binded by chains, a difficult to resist sleepiness attacked him.] -> Inside the illusion that his whole body was bound by chains, he was attacked by an irresistible sleepiness.

    [While feeling the voice of the girl was comfortable, the boy fell towards her.] -> While feeling comforted by the girl’s voice, the boy fell towards her.

    「Because I will tell to not do cruel things, please don’t worry」 -> ??
    – I can’t tell who is speaking here. It could be edited to two different things, depending on who is speaking.
    Mio: I won’t ask you to do anything cruel, so don’t worry (i.e Mio speaking to Seldis)
    Lord Seldis: I’ll ask her not to do anything cruel, so don’t worry (i.e Seldis speaking to Nanashi)
    Reading the translation again after writing these, I think its the second one.

    [Just before his eyes closed totally, looking at his face with an affectionate expression, the girl said:] -> Just before his eyes closed completely, the girl who was looking at his face with an affection expression said:

    ~~~

    I would have gotten to these edits earlier, but you can blame Kancolle’s Summer event for that.

    Recently, I had a go at editing another web novel. It had been machine translated and the guy in charge didn’t have an editor. I liked the story, and thought “Well, why not?” and gave it a go.

    Even though I knew what machine translations could be like, it was crazy. Words translated completely differently to what they should have been, sentences blatantly ignoring what proper structure is like, weird phrasing and overall confusing lines. I got through it, but boy was it a struggle.

    Needless to say, you don’t know how thankful I am for how little work I have to do for Saratoga. Keep up the good work (y).

    Like

  8. Rinvelt says:

    [However, he immediately unfastened his fighting stance, and his hand loosely swun in the air.] -> However, he immediately relaxed his fighting stance, and his hand swung loosely in the air.
    – Technically, unfastened is grammatically correct. While you did use it correctly, I can’t say I’ve ever seen it used like this. I think the word lends itself to describing clothing, more so than a stance in this case, so I went and replaced it
    -> Most of my english skills come from the fact that I read fan traslations, so I learnt many “wrong” things. I’m sure I read somewhere, more than once, “unfastened” to describe this action. I had my doubts (the definition of unfastened is about clothes related items, like belts), but I still chose to use it. Thanks for correcting.

    「…Pretty」 (TL: I actually had an intense debate with myself to choose between “Pretty” and “Beautiful”. But, well, considering I’m abandoning the translation, I choose to use “Pretty”)
    – Pretty, or beautiful, huh? The words are functionally identical, so it doesn’t really matter. If I had to choose I’d lean towards beautiful – its a slightly more powerful word and I believe it better expresses Nanashi’s “Wow” moment – but like I said, they mean the same thing. No need to change this.
    -> Yeah, beautiful is more powerful, but on the other hand, I think pretty suit a girl more. That why I was hesitating.

    [He was surprised by the friendly greeting of the girl standing next to him to the dumplings head.] -> He was surprised by the girl’s friendly greeting to dumpling head.
    – What you had originally was a pretty messy sentence, but I don’t fault you. I can’t think of a less convoluted way of putting it either. I think cutting down the phrase should work – of the three girls in the scene, one (Kirie) has no need to greet Mio and the other is Mio herself, so it should be pretty clear who the boy is talking about without needing to mention who exactly she is.
    If you can’t tell who is talking, then you can leave it be. In that case, the only edit is {to dumpling head}
    -> Well, I don’t like to remove description, that why sometimes the translation is messy. And, Mio has two dumplings, so shouldn’t it be “Dumplings head”?

    「Because I will tell to not do cruel things, please don’t worry」 -> ??
    – I can’t tell who is speaking here. It could be edited to two different things, depending on who is speaking.
    Mio: I won’t ask you to do anything cruel, so don’t worry (i.e Mio speaking to Seldis)
    Lord Seldis: I’ll ask her not to do anything cruel, so don’t worry (i.e Seldis speaking to Nanashi)
    Reading the translation again after writing these, I think its the second one.
    -> It’s the second one. It isn’t precised who she will tell that, but Japanese is pretty contextual, so I guess I can phrase it like you did. (Actually, some ‘mistakes’ you corrected were because I was too literal. So, for example, even if it was fine in Japanese with the context, I should still add a few words in the translation)

    ~~~~

    Once again, thanks! I’m thinking that I should send you chapter 5 before posting it when it will be done, so is it fine to send it to the mail you used to post the comment? That way, I’ll be able to credit you when posting the chapter. Being the last chapter I’ll translate, might as well post it in its final form directly. (But don’t know when XD)

    Haha, one day I should try Kancolle, but not now, too much things to read.

    Yeah, I’m at least proud of the fact I’m not machine translating. Sometimes it can gives pretty goods alternatives and synonyms, so I still have a window with Atlas, but I’m mostly doing human translation with dictionaries. So thanks for the compliment!

    Thanks to you, I now know that it’s more engaging to translate when you have an editor. So if, one day, I find a novel easy to translate with short chapters (and interesting!), I’ll give you a heads up, if you’re fine with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MystiKnight says:

      Yeah, the email linked to this account is one I check regularly, so that’s fine. As for future editing, sure, I’d be up for it. October is when my exam season starts though, so I’d struggle to keep a clear schedule around them, but after that I’ll have plenty of free time.

      Like

  9. Marmot says:

    Thanks for the chapter; I’ll watch NU for the next and hope someone picks the novel up from your teaser. (And I’ll hope they do as good a job with the translation. Thanks for that too.)

    Like

    • Rinvelt says:

      I hope too. Compared to cliched novels, Saratoga needs to have a chance to be known.
      As for the next chapter, I thought I could do it before the end of august, but I’m not too sure now. I’m rather busy because I’ll move in a few days, so… But I started to translate the chapter, just that I don’t know when I’ll finish.

      Like

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