Saratoga – Chapter 2

Hi! So yeah, “already” another chapter. It was my rest day, so don’t expect a release everyday. But the good thing his I found a way to translate without being frustrated. I just do something, then translate a few lines, then do something else, and back to translation, etc… I think I’m in better conditions by translating little by little rather than in one go.

So, here’s the chapter. If you want to help fix sentences you find weird, feel free. If you want to comment on the translation (I really want someone with japanese knowledge to tell me how is my translation) fell free too.

Chapter 2 – Well, what shall I do now…?

Skillfully spreading its green wings, a bird was dancing in the sky.
No matter which direction one looked, the horizon was spreading as far as eyes could see.
A continuous sea of sand.

Sometimes, a breeze would slowly erase every trace of human activity that was above the sand.

Footprints, wheel tracks, and dead bodies.

At dusk.

While flickering, the sun sank in the earth. Before long, it became a long line faintly illuminating the ground. In the interval between day and night; black, bitter orange, blue, the sky was painted in many different layers of colors during a short time.

As if scoffing at the people crawling on the earth, the bird danced.

The bird rapidly went towards the gigantic rampart in the west, as if chasing after the long shadow it cast on the ground.

There, was an excessively gigantic structure.

Flying high in the sky, the bird was looking down on the whole thing.
The span was about 4000 zals, and the overall width about 15 000 zals. (1 zal is aproximately 1 meter)

The Fortress City with a huge spire in its center whipped up a cloud of sand as it moved.

「Ah, not good. I can’t do it anymore」

Uttering his sixth complaint of the day, the boy was on the outer wall of the giant sprinting structure. Despite climbing continuously for four hours, he hadn’t even passed half of its whole height. (TL: It’s actually 2 koku, which is an archaïc mesure of time. 1 koku = about 2 hours)

The summit was still distant, and the ground was already too far to give up and jump down.
For the boy who lived in the flat desert, it was his first time being in such a tall place.

While inserting knives in between the stones, he slowly climbed aiming for the top. Although he was frightened by the big vibrations that came at times, he clenched his teeth and continued to climb.

「I… I arrived」

When the boy finally arrived at the top of the rampart, quite an amount of time had passed since the sun set.
As the darkness thickened, the brightness of the crescent moon increased. Most people would have already finished eating their dinner by this time.

After peeking his head out over the edge and looking around restlessly, the boy climbed up, tumbling onto the rampart.
Luckily there was not even a shadow on top of the rampart.The boy let out a big breath and lied down in a 『大』 form. His breath was rough, his arms had already lost all sensations, and his legs were trembling.

「I can’t use them anymore. Thank you for your work. 」

Still lying down, he threw down the two knifes grasped in his hands, which had their edge broken, from the rampart.
After putting his breath in order by lying down a little, he looked down inside the rampart; the boy gasped.
In front of the boy, who was born among people who had lived their entire lives in the sea of sand, spread a sight he had never seen before.

With the gigantic spire of the Fortress as its center, a stone paved road was spread out radially.. On both its sides were countless stone buildings. From the window of each building, a warm light which seemed to be from spirit stones was leaking out. From a few chimneys, smoke originating from late dinner preparations was rising up.

「A… Amazing. So this is the town where the Nobles live」

The boy muttered unintentionally.

For the boy raised among the People of the Desert who had no specific residence, wandered, and slept under the sand, the sight was like looking into a different world.

It wasn’t like he had never seen a house made of stones. On the sides of the oases resided, though few in number, the people called Ilnobles.
However, it was the first time he saw so many structures orderly standing in a row.

In this Country of the Desert, people were separated into three categories.
Mobile Fortress; living inside these ramparts, the Nobles. Outside the ramparts; residing on the sides of the few oases, the Ilnobles. And then, the People of the Desert.

When there was a need to execute a criminal, the Nobles only needed to banish them to the desert. Because for them, the outside of the rampart was the same as Hell. The temperature approached 50 degrees during the day, and fell below 0 during the night. There were also groups of Giant Worms whose length reached 1 000 zals.

The Nobles didn’t think of the People of the Desert, who could live in this Hell, as humans. They were only called Bugs with scorn. (TL:  Translated as Worm in the previous chapter, this time there is Furigana, so I changed it to Bug)

So far, when Ilnobles traders would come to supply food occasionally, even though they were called Bugs, they didn’t particulary mind it.
However, what was sprouting in the boy’s heart right now was a slight feeling of envy.

The boy was, as if engrossed, gazing at the night view while sitting on his knees for a long time, but he couldn’t afford to remain like that forever.

「Well, what shall I do now…?」

He really had no plan.

It wasn’t like the boy was telling a joke. In the first place, infiltrating this Fortress City was mostly on impulse.

In the middle of climbing the rampart, the pain and the tension fell, and a feeling of despair came to him after he calmed down. With this low tension, the pain of climbing the rampart was indescribable.

Why did he sneak into the Fortress City? That was because he had an objective.
There was a goal, but no plan.
It’s a little late, but let’s say it: the boy had a relatively reckless character.

The boy had only one objective: save his little sister.
Even if she was called his sister, she was his stepsister. She was the daughter of the adoptive parents who had raised the boy because he had lost his parents prematurely, Her name was Kisaragi. (TL: I use Stepsister, but it should actually be Sister-in-law, or Foster Sister. Is Stepsister fine too in the english language? Hopefully, only Little Sister will be used in the future)

Since she was small, Kisaragi kept saying 「When we’re adults, I’ll become An-chan’s bride 」 The boy was living in a tribe with few people, so it was rather natural that such a thing would happen. However, he couldn’t deny the feelings of dread when remembering his drumming little sister who looked like a perfectly dedicated wife.

That’s aside, let’s return to the subject.

This morning, after returning from fetching water at the oasis, the tribe’s figure had disappeared from where the camp should have been. Only one person, his childhood friend one year younger than him, Heiza, was waiting for him sitting cross-legged on the sand.

「Everyone is?」

「U-uh, the-they are, ab-about 4 farzals (approximatively 20 kilometers) in the south fr-from… here」

Looking at the boy, Heiza, whose bangs were long enough to completely hide his eyes, answered with the same cowardly voice as usual.

「So suddenly. Apart from me, aren’t there other people who didn’t come back?」

「Uh, huh. Th-that’s why they to-told m-me to wait here. They didn’t move, they ra-ran away」

「Ran away? Did a Flood happen?」(TL: Kanji say Sand Flood, Furigana only Flood)

「It-it’s different. We were a-attacked by a Mobile Fortress」

「Mobile Fortress?」

「Uh, huh. Ma-many Nobles appeared and they ch-chased us」

「Was everyone alright?」

「Uh, huh. No-nobody was in-injured. …But」

「But?」

Heiza faltered for a moment, then he hesitantly opened his mouth.

「Ki-Kisaragi was ta-taken a-away. 」

After that, he couldn’t really remember.
The boy straddling a galloping donkey thought he heard Heiza shouting to restrain himself, but it was trivial. Like this, he ran throughout the day. After discovering this Mobile Fortress, he jumped on the surface of the wall with the momentum from the donkey’s back.

These were his actions after hearing that his little sister was kidnapped by the Mobile Fortress. With such a way of thinking, it was inevitable if he was called a Bug.

Because he was already here, it couldn’t be helped. As it was, there was no way to go back.
Somehow, he had to find the whereabouts of Kisaragi.

「As expected, I can only ask to someone, huh… 」

To some extent, he may need to be violent.

The boy confirmed the feel of the specialized weapon hanging at his waist by touching it.
Sheathed in a scabbard was a gently curved slender blade. Originally, it was something that shouldn’t be here. It was a japanese sword with the inscription Osafune.

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7 Responses to Saratoga – Chapter 2

  1. GM_Rusaku says:

    ………..γ ̄ヽ………Thanks!…………
    …….r’-‘| O |…~……..Nepu!!……..
    ….….’ーゝ_ノ……~…..…∧__∧..…….
    …………| ,|……~…….(´・ω・`)……..
    ……..,,-/ ̄|、…………O旦と )……..
    …….ヽ__シ……….(__(__つ……..

    Like

  2. kk says:

    「A… Amazing. So this is the town were the Nobles live」
    to
    「A… Amazing. So this is the town where the Nobles live」

    While inserting knifes between the stones, he slowly climbed aiming at the top. Although he was frightened by the big vibrations coming at times, he clenched his teeth and continued to climb.

    to

    While inserting knives in between the stones, he slowly climbed aiming at the top. Although he was frightened by the big vibrations coming at times, he clenched his teeth and continued to climb.

    With the gigantic spire of the Fortress as its center, a stone paved road was spreading radially. On both its sides were countless stone buildings. From the window of each building, a warm light which seemed to be from spirit stones was leaking out. From a few chimneys, smoke originating from late dinner preparation was rising up.

    to

    With the gigantic spire of the Fortress as its center, a stone paved road was spreading radially. On both its sides were countless stone buildings. From the window of each building, a warm light which seemed to be from spirit stones was leaking out. From a few chimneys, smoke originating from late dinner preparations was rising up.

    Like

  3. MystiKnight says:

    I’m still a little shocked that this 15 year old was climbing the side of a giant moving fortress for over four hours. Well, that’s our protagonist for you.

    ~~~

    [Sometimes, a breeze would slowly erase every traces of human activity that was above the sand.] -> Sometimes, a breeze would slowly erase every trace of human activity that was above the sand.

    [The bird rapidly went towards the gigantic rampart in the west, as if chasing after its long shadow casted on the ground.] -> The bird rapidly went towards the gigantic rampart in the west, as if chasing after the long shadow it cast on the ground.

    [While rising a cloud of sand, a Fortress City having a huge spire at its center was moving.] -> The Fortress City with a huge spire in its center whipped up a cloud of sand as it moved.

    [Complaining for the sixth time of the day, the boy was on the outer wall of the sprinting giant structure. Despite climbing continuously for four hours, he didn’t pass half of the whole height.] -> Uttering his sixth complaint of the day, the boy was on the outer wall of the giant sprinting structure. Despite climbing continuously for four hours, he hadn’t even passed half of its whole height.

    [To the boy who lived in the flat desert, to be in such a tall place in itself was the first time for him.] -> For the boy who lived in the flat desert, it was his first time being in such a tall place.

    [While inserting knifes in between the stones, he slowly climbed aiming at the top. Although he was frightened by the big vibrations coming at times, he clenched his teeth and continued to climb.] -> While inserting knives in between the stones, he slowly climbed aiming for the top. Although he was frightened by the big vibrations that came at times, he clenched his teeth and continued to climb.

    [As the darkness thickened, the brigthness of the crescent moon increased. Most of the people would already have finished to eat their dinner at this time.] -> As the darkness thickened, the brightness of the crescent moon increased. Most people would have already finished eating their dinner by this time.

    [After looking around restlessly by only peeking out his head, the boy climbed on top of the rampart as if tumbling.] -> After peeking his head out over the edge and looking around restlessly, the boy climbed up, tumbling onto the rampart.

    [Luckily there was no shadow of people on top of the rampart.] -> Luckily there was not even a shadow on top of the rampart.

    [There, for the boy born among the people living all their life in the sea of sand, was spreading a sight he never saw before.] -> In front of the boy, who was born among people who had lived their entire lives in the sea of sand, spread a sight he had never seen before.

    [With the gigantic spire of the Fortress as its center, a stone paved road was spreading radially.] -> With the gigantic spire of the Fortress as its center, a stone paved road was spread out radially.

    [Muttered unintentionally the boy.] -> The boy muttered unintentionally.

    [For the boy raised among the People of the Desert who had no specific residence, wandered, and slept under the sand, the sight was like from a different world.] -> For the boy raised among the People of the Desert who had no specific residence, wandered, and slept under the sand, the sight was like looking into a different world.

    [However, it was the first time a saw so many structures orderly stand in a row.] -> However, it was the first time he saw so many structures orderly standing in a row.

    [In this Country of the Desert, the life of the people was greatly separated in three categories.] -> In this Country of the Desert, people were separated into three categories.

    [When there was a need to execute a criminal, the Nobles only needed to expulse them in the desert.] -> When there was a need to execute a criminal, the Nobles only needed to banish them to the desert.
    – Not gonna lie, I actually had to google the word ‘expulse’ here.

    [There also was groups of Giant Worms whose length reached 1 000 zals.] -> There were also groups of Giant Worms whose length reached 1 000 zals.

    [The Nobles didn’t thought of the People of the Desert that could live in this Hell as humans.] -> The Nobles didn’t think of the People of the Desert, who could live in this Hell, as humans.

    [However, what was sprouting in the boy’s heart right now was slight envy.] -> However, what was sprouting in the boy’s heart right now was a slight feeling of envy.

    [Really no plan.] -> He really had no plan.

    [In the first place, infiltring this Fortress City was mostly impulsive.] -> In the first place, infiltrating this Fortress City was mostly on impulse.

    [Why did he snuck in the Fortress City?] -> Why did he sneak into the Fortress City?

    [She was the daughter of the adoptive parents who had raised the boy because he had lost his parents prematurely, Her name was Kisaragi.] -> …his parents prematurely. Her name was Kisaragi.
    – As for the whole stepsister thing, its not quite the correct way of putting it. Like you said, foster sister is probably the most accurate term, but honestly, I don’t think it’ll be too much of a problem.

    [Since she was small, Kisaragi kept telling 「When we’ll be adults, I’ll become An-chan’s bride 」 The boy was living in a tribe with few people, so it it was rather natural that such a thing will happen.] -> Since she was small, Kisaragi kept saying 「When we’re adults, I’ll become An-chan’s bride 」 The boy was living in a tribe with few people, so it was rather natural that such a thing would happen.

    [Looking at the boy, Heiza, whose bangs were long enough to completely hide his eyes, answered with the same cowardly voice as usual.] -> The boy, Heiza, whose…

    [「It’s sudden. Appart from me, aren’t there other people who didn’t come back?」] -> 「So suddenly. Apart from me, aren’t there other people who didn’t come back?」

    [After that, he doesn’t really remember well.] -> After that, he couldn’t really remember.

    [It was his actions after hearing that his little sister was kidnapped by the Mobile Fortress.] -> These were his actions after hearing that his little sister was kidnapped by the Mobile Fortress.

    [Because he came until here, it couldn’t be helped.] -> Because he was already here, it couldn’t be helped.

    ~~~

    Yeah, it really does look like a lot.

    You should be confident in your English skills – Like you said, there are a lot worse speakers out there on the internet. You’re mostly struggling with tenses, which I think is the biggest stumbling block for non-native speakers alongside homophones, and I think its just something that comes with practice and experience. Heck, my mum has lived here in a predominantly-English speaking country for over 20 years, but she still struggles with pronouns like ‘he’ and ‘she’.

    Again, you’re quite proficient with English. The proof of that is how quickly I go through to edit these chapters. A lot of the time, all I have to do is rewrite the sentences in a way a native English speaker would be more comfortable with. The way it is, what you’re writing is already pretty good. There’s no huge grammatical or structural problems, its mostly the small nuances that you only pick up when speaking the language for a long time.

    [Also, this is my first time fiddling with bold on wordpress. If this post is a mess, just give it a minute and I should have fixed it]

    Like

  4. Rinvelt says:

    Thanks again! And thank you very much for your opinion on my English skills, there is nothing more rewarding than the praise of a native speaker!

    Concerning the edits: (might as well comment a few)
    [When there was a need to execute a criminal, the Nobles only needed to expulse them in the desert.] -> When there was a need to execute a criminal, the Nobles only needed to banish them to the desert.
    – Not gonna lie, I actually had to google the word ‘expulse’ here.
    -> My bad, wanted to write “exile”, but I don’t know why I wrote “expulse”. (even though “exile” exist in French too)

    [She was the daughter of the adoptive parents who had raised the boy because he had lost his parents prematurely, Her name was Kisaragi.] -> …his parents prematurely. Her name was Kisaragi.
    – As for the whole stepsister thing, its not quite the correct way of putting it. Like you said, foster sister is probably the most accurate term, but honestly, I don’t think it’ll be too much of a problem.
    ->It’s not really important and I made a note, so I guess it’s fine like this.

    [Looking at the boy, Heiza, whose bangs were long enough to completely hide his eyes, answered with the same cowardly voice as usual.] -> The boy, Heiza, whose…
    ->Heiza is looking at Nanashi (The MC).

    I’ll change the rest, thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Easykiln says:

    ”Looking at the boy, Heiza.” Somehow I don’t believe he’s a boy…

    Like

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